Computer Woes

It's been a rough couple of weeks for us, computer-wise. I blogged a couple posts ago about a rogue anti-virus program that tried to extract money from me by the insipid use of bad grammar.
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What I didn't mention was that not two days later, my computer was sacked again, by a much stronger and far more insidious form of ransomware. This program locked me out of any and all of my other programs -- internet, spyware removal, word processing, everything. I literally could not use any program other than the ransomware , which kept prompting me to buy it. My options were 1) give in and pay off the spyware company, or 2) completely erase and reformat my hard drive. I went with option 2. Scorched earth, mothafucka.
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Thankfully, my OCD extends to obsessively backing up all my files, so I didn't lose anything. And it's nice to have a speedy (circa 2005) laptop once again, now that it's not clogged with four plus years of excess programming. Though I do mourn for my lovely, handpicked stash of exotic porn, hidden in my program directory beyond all reckoning. Ah, well, probably for the best.
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Additionally, between the two major spyware invasions, I also managed to destroy our printer. While trying to force-feed the printer blank paper -- paper the printer insisted was not there -- I managed to completely smash the printer's glass scanner plate. I've seen car wrecks with less broken glass. Now the printer only registers a constant error message.
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On top of that, Camille's computer tower decided, for shits and giggles apparently, not to recognize her work hard drive. You know, the drive with all her software and files on it. I have to say, I never knew that woman could swear so effectively. It was impressive, and terrifying. My eyebrows have yet to grow back.
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But eventually, we got everything worked out. We got Camille's work drive running after only a minor delay, and ordered a new, cost-effective printer. I've gotten all the updates installed for my laptop, and am running at full output once again, so I have to remove "broken laptop" from my list of Advanced Writing Avoidance Techniques.
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Still, though, I miss my porn. If anyone has links to good clown, midget, and/or kung fu porn, send them my way.
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DISCLAIMER: Mentions of pornography in the text do not mean the writer enjoys, views, indulges in, or has ever even heard of porn. Assertions to the contrary will be met with loud, panic-sweat induced denials and fumbling attempts to change the subject.